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May 23 2018







It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and “smooth it out.”

Also, if you’re playing hide-and-seek with them, it is critical that you search every other possible (and impossible) hiding spot, all the while wondering out loud how they managed to disappear just like magic, before walking right past their hiding spot.

And if a baby starts playing peekaboo you are required to act surprised when they show their face again

If a kid hands you a phone, you answer it

If a kid shoots you with a Nerf Gun you are supposed to Die a dramatic death and explain “ugh you shot me blaahh”

If a kid hands you fake food you must pretend to eat it. Even if its a baby doll they took out of the plastic microwave because the kid is messed up. You eat that baby doll and you enjoy it.

May 22 2018

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mr. pinocchio got himself stuck in a log, again



good thing this here internet box exists. back in the 12th century or whatever i would have had to shout my bullshit from the window

me hanging out my window in the dead of night, 1127 AD: I HAVE TWELVE TOES AND SEVEN EYES

a guardsman, already aiming for my nuts with his crossbow: SHUT YON FUCKETH MOUTH

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Thank you so much pinterest for this perfect image placement

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three words that describe me

r u… a worm

long, wiggly and ready to get squiggly

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I’m having one of the best tinder convos I’ve ever had

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Party Tit….

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check out this MAN

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Clary Fairchild has been arrested by the Clave. They’re holding her in a secure facility in Idris, and we’re gonna break her out.


tbh the best feeling in the world is when you get to make your favorite people laugh and you have that moment of yes,,,,, just as planned,,,,,,,,,,, I have Succeeded in Bringing Them Amusement,,,,,, look at that Beautiful Smile™ that means the world to me

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women are most attractive when they’re not even thinking abt it. and i don’t mean that in a “girls look better without makeup” way so much as a “i love seeing girls be their natural selves where they forget the pressure of perfection placed on women” way.

i love the goofing off double chins and the too-loud near-obnoxious laughter, the gruff and scratchy voice in the morning when they’re too tired to bother with sounding soft, and the not brushing their hair bc they can’t be bothered to deal with and what are you going to do about it anyway?

i love the boldness of women who forget that they have been told to be delicate.

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im Waking Up,

to Ash and dust

i wipe my


and i

slAp my nUtS


when i was really little, my babysitter only spoke spanish with me so i became bilingual but i never knew when i was speaking spanish or english. one time i told my mom i wanted an avocado & she understood but then when i said the same thing to my babysitter later that day, she burst into tears with laughter because i was saying “quiero abogado” which means “i want a lawyer.”

imagine a two year old repeatedly saying “i want a lawyer!” as an adult laughs at her.

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ShadowhuntersTV:  “I love you, Alexander.” #Malec behind the scenes of #ShadowhuntersSeason3.


i know tumblr likes violent man eating mermaids but i fuck p heavy with pretty playful pretty scaled mermaids in warm sorts of waters keeping the tide gentle when lil toddlers are learning to swim and kissing the breath into good sailors because they have someone waiting on a cliff by the sea for them to come home and cutting seals and turtles out of netting and plastic bags 

but maybe being from hawaii just made me think of the ocean of a safe cradley sort of place i know its scary i know it’ll kick your ass but sometimes its ten types of turquoise and and sometimes sea foam sticks to your eyelashes sometimes the sun hits your face even when you’re twenty feet under and i have a hard time forgetting its first and foremost a womb 

so mermaids who watch the triple crown and scare sharks away from the surfers 

May 21 2018

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Jalec in every episode: A Heart Of Darkness (3x08) - Part 1 / 2



did you guys know that the robot genre of science fiction sprung up as a critique of the way in which industrialization reduced workers to taking up monotonous, unskilled factory jobs in order to earn profit, jobs which in turn alienated them from their own humanity? did you know that the theory of the alienation of the self under capitalistic mode of production is a core principle of marxism? did you know that robot itself comes from a czech playwright who, for a science fiction play, coined the word as a derivative of the czech term robota, meaning forced labor? did you know that the robot genre is rooted in anti-capitalist sentiment?

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